Moga dijauhkan daripada aku menjadi mereka yang aku kutuk, perli, caci, nilai atau hukum kerana aku tahu aku juga tidak sempurna, punyai aib dan dosa yang terlalu banyak. 

I’ve made many mistakes and caused pain, but God knows how much He’s shielded my wife from seeing my worst. She has stood by me, even when I’ve been less than deserving, she’s been through so much for me, sacrificing more than I ever deserved. She has stood by me, even when I’ve been less than deserving. Through every trial, every sacrifice.

I need to stop letting my ego and flaws control me. I need to be better for her and for our future. She deserves someone who is patient, understanding, and willing to change. 

To the woman who has given me everything, I will become the man worthy of her heart. I pray that God continues to grant me the strength to do so, and I hope one day she’ll see the change she so rightfully deserves. I love you, forever and always Ani.

Syukur

I constantly remind myself how blessed and fortunate I am to have a job. No matter how stressful work gets, and stress is just part of its nature. I must accept that this is adulthood. 

It’s my responsibility, something I must embrace, not avoid. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that I chose this path, I love what I do. This is my responsibility, and I am grateful to have this job. So, alhamdulillah.

 The truth, a fragile butterfly, alight, With wings of reason, shimmering so bright. Yet in our grasp, it seems to take to flight, A paradox of clarity, shrouded in night.

The simple answer, whispered on the breeze, Elusive echo lost amongst the trees. We search for form, a concrete, grounded plea, But wisdom's essence dances, ever free.

Level 30 unlocked!

Alhamdulillah. Aku sangatlah bersyukur di atas segala kurniaan Allah bagi dekat aku. Alhamdulillah, dah 30 tahun aku tahun ni.

Terlalu banyak Allah bagi, kesihatan, rezeki dalam bermacam bentuk, parents aki, adik beradik, and of course my wife. My closes friends. Syukur ya Allah.

Im trying to be more expressive and maybe more poetic? But this is the only thing that I can think of at the moment. 

Thank you Allah for everything. 

Just wondering, what would happen if PH/Anwar do not agree to work with Mahathir in 2018?

Mampu post dekat sini sahaja sebab ramai yang benak pasal politik (termasuk aku).

Sedih rasa bila kena bergantung dengan gaji hujung bulan. You really need to prioritise between your keperluan and kehendak. Aku sedar dan aku sangat bersyukur, walaupun gaji sekarang sebenarnya tak cukup, tapi Allah banyak mencukupkan aku dengan rezeki lain. Tempat tinggal, duit api air and mostly makan tak perlu keluar duit. 

Nanti bila dah betul pindah rumah sendiri, hidup dengan suri hati, lagi banyak kos yang diperlukan. InshaAllah ada sinar di hujung jalan ini kelak. 

2024 Resolution - 1

I have decided that this year, 2024 will be the year of growth and learning for me. As I embark on this new chapter (being 30 years old this year) I am determined to become a better version of myself. So, in regard to this new year, my first new year resolution is to lose this goddamn weight and love handles. I started this year with 98 kg and my initial goal is to achieve at least 90 kg by February 16th. Beyond this, I will continue this journey to achieve 85 kg before raya.

I hope by the end of this year, I will lose these stubborn love handles and probably achieve a healthier weight range of 75 - 77 kg. While six-pack abs might be a lofty dream, I wont say no to them if they decide to make a surprise appearance! (Consider it a bonus)

So guys, inshaAllah tahun 2024 adalah tahun yang lebih baik untuk kita. Let's fucking go!

2023

Alhamdulillah untuk 2023. Satu tahun yang sangat bermakna bagi aku, satu tahun penuh dengan rasa tuah dan syukur. Setelah sekian lama (almost 10 years), tahun 2023 aku berjaya menghabiskan pengajian aku. Banyak kali weh sumpah aku nak berhenti, aku rasa lagi bazir masa kalau terus sambung belajar sebab dah banyak kali extend and tangguh. Tapi aku gagahkan jugak, jumpa doktor and kaunselor, minta tolong kawan dengan FYP, and honestly, memang aku bertuah. Memang rezeki Allah itu luas, mungkin berkat dari doa-doa orang tersayang, somehow aku rasa jalan aku dipermudahkan. Banyak salah aku buat dalam pengajian, walaupun di saat-saat akhir tapi aku tetap berjaya habiskan. Allah sahaja yang mampu membalas jasa baik semua yang dah tolong aku. 

Habis je belajar, aku dapat kerja still dekat UNIMAS walaupun sebagai PROTÉGÉ, tapi itu lah peluang kerja yang paling cepat aku boleh dapat sebab aku perlukan duit. Plus at that time, aku rasa aku tak cukup yakin untuk minta kerja lain sebenarnya sebab yelah it took me almost 10 years untuk habis belajar, while kawan-kawan aku dah kerja semua, aku baru habis belajar and baru nak start kerja. So aku tekad untuk kerja as a protege to build back my confidence, familiarise with work environment, getting my shits together. Walaupun hanya sebagai protege dan kontrak, aku sangatlah bersyukur atas peluang ini. Aku rasa aku start cari kerja dengan lebih proaktif mungkin selepas aku kahwin kot sebab bila dah kahwin, persepsi aku sedikit berubah, ada keadaan yang aku baru sedar. Okay bab kahwin, lepas ini sambung. Aku ada apply kerja dekat UNIMAS for permanent post and alhamdulillah sekarang (Today 15/1/24) tengah tunggu tarikh untuk interview sahaja. So far, ini sahaja tawaran yang aku dapat daripada semua permohonan aku. Moga ada sinar di hujung jalan nanti, inshaAllah.

Dan semestinya, the second highlight of my 2023 is I got married to the love of my life, my best friend. The 29th of September now etched in our hearts, symbolizes not just a date on the calendar but a powerful reminder our lives became intimately woven into a shared narrative. It was a day when promises were made, dreams were shared, and the journey of companionship officially began. I used to say "To love is to commit" and after a lot of failed commitments, inshaAllah I promise to commit to her. Despite my shortcomings, my mistakes, and always taking her for granted, I have come to realise the profound impact of her unwavering support and love, I am determined to learn and grow, striving to become the partner that she deserves. Satu fasa yang aku paling tak sangka boleh dan telah berlaku was this, and I really thank Allah for this. Aku rasa macam rushing tapi aku jugak rasa kalau bukan waktu itu then, taktahu bila and mungkin lambat lagi. Dan dialah yang banyak berkorban masa dan tenaga to make it happen, I am truly lucky to be married to someone like her. I am also excited and humbled, to live the rest of my life with her and I am deeply grateful for this. 

Aku takkan mampu untuk sampai ke tahap ini tanpa sokongan, bimbingan, dorongan, bantuan, kasih sayang dari mak abah, isteri dan kawan-kawan rapat yang sentiasa ada. Alhamdulillah syukur untuk tahun 2023. Aku hanya minta tahun 2024 aku lebih self consious, no more taking others for granted, be more grateful and appreciative, learn and grow to become a better version of myself inshaAllah. 

Thank you 2023.